We all have dreams. They are what keep us up at night, they give us a sense of purpose, and hope, and joy...they make us giddy when we think about them coming true. At the same time dreams can paralyze us for fear they may never come true. We think it's better not to move then to move and be let down. I almost let fear keep me from my dream of becoming a nurse. When I thought about my dream for too long my mind would wander into those dark places where dreams get buried and I realized that either I needed to move now or it would never happen. When God places a dream inside a person there always seems to be a sense of urgency. The ironic thing is that there is nothing quick about fulfilling a dream but without taking a step forward I knew I would continue to live in the world of what if's and settle for mediocrity simply because not moving was easier . Once I got past the epiphany that there are two kinds of people in the world, those that move and those that don't, I concluded that we aren't getting younger and in two years I could either say "Well, at least I tried" or I would be standing with a graduation cap on saying "That sucked but we did it!" So I grabbed one of my favorite verses and told my family and friends to hold on tight cause we all were gonna go on a tough ride to the other side of my dream. Just like the verse says if God implants it He is not going to abandon it , therefore " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
Now that my family, friends, and I have reached the other side of my dream I have to confess I've struggled with thoughts like "What did I get myself into?" And "What was I thinking? I'm not good enough for this." Just like fear almost paralyzed me from going to nursing school, fear has tried to devour me to the point where I could have been useless because I wouldn't take the next step of stepping out into the great unknown. Every evening that I drive to work I remind myself that if God planted this then He will not abandon me. I may have days I feel like I've failed but God never said it had to look prefect for His will to be accomplished, in fact I think God finds pleasure in taking the messy and creating a beautiful piece of work. God uses the weak. In my line of work if I can take my broken self and be used to heal another who is weak and broken then that is truly a dream come true.
And that's my first confession of a novice nurse.
I was told by The Great Physician...go ahead...it's also your time to move.
How am I supposed to help others when I have been knocked down and I'm hurting too? I don't want to get up yet. I don't want to fight right now, I just want to cry. The war is still all around me and I can feel it, hear it, see it raging...But I am in shock. My body has gone numb, yet the world keeps spinning. I find myself staring a lot and shaking my head a lot. I keep saying, "No, no, no, this cannot be." I tried to move to the front line to fight harder for awhile and I got stabbed in the heart. I used my sword and it got knocked out of my hand. Was I not holding it tight enough? Was the blade not sharp enough? I defended my allies with my shield and it got stomped on. We were ALL wearing our body armor, and we were ALL wearing our belts...And tightly. I sit here in the mud and my helmet is protecting me from the rain. My helmet never fell off or that would have been the death of me. But I rather sit here and be cold for awhile. I'd rather watch you fight for awhile because I'm confused why my sword didn't penetrate the enemy first before it got knocked out of my hands. I'm wounded and I need to heal. I hope that when I am bandaged I can get back up and my shield won't be too bent to do what it is intended to do. I need somebody to fix it. I need my sword sharpened, but right now I just want to mourn over the loss. The pain cuts too deep today. I am knocked down, but I am not out forever.
I got to hold a mustard seed the other day. I have always had the opportunity to hold a mustard seed considering I have the small McCormick jar sitting among my other spices right there in my pantry door. But the pastor had us hold the tiny seed in the palm of our hands to remind us that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains.
Seems impossible. Which is why Jesus' very next statement was, "Nothing is impossible."
Tempted to dismiss this cute illustration on faith I was gently reminded from that quiet inner voice that if I seek God I will find Him. So after a couple moments of seeking I actually stumbled upon, (more like the Holy Spirit led me to) Luke 13:18 and 19. Jesus once again uses the mustard seed to clarify some matters. Only this time He was not talking about faith, we was talking about how the Kingdom of God is like a tiny mustard seed planted in a garden. The mustard seed grows and becomes a tree and the birds find shelter among its branches. Now wait for it...Jesus also had previously spoken in a parable about seeds that a Farmer scattered across his field. He goes on to tell us that unfortunately some of that seed fell among the hard path to be snatched up by birds, while other seeds fell on rocky soil and began to grow but soon withered because it didn't receive enough hydration. Still other seed fell among thorns that choked the tender blades. Then there was the seed that fell among fertile soil. This seed produced a crop one hundred times as much as had been planted. Jesus explains that the hard path represents those who hear God's message but allow the Devil to come and steal it away preventing them from believing and being saved. The rocky soil are those who hear the message, and with joy, but like young plants their roots don't go very deep and they will believe for awhile until the hot winds of testing blow and they wither. Then there are those who hear and accept the message but all too quickly the cares, riches, and pleasures of life crowd out the message. And so the seed never grows into maturity. The good soil represents honest, good-hearted people who hear God's message, cling to it, and steadily produce a huge harvest.
Jesus uses a seed to talk about three eternal matters...God's Kingdom is a seed, God's Word is a seed, and Faith can be as small as a seed. Let's reverse these matters. If we have faith as small as a mustard seed we can at least take that seed of Faith and plant it. Once we are planted we can choose to hear God's message and start growing or we can let Satan, life's tests, and the cares of the world to snatch our faith right up. In order to become firmly rooted we must hear God's message and BELIEVE it. Once we understand that God's Word is one with God then we cling to and start claiming it as truth lived out in our maturing lives. Jesus said we will never have to thrist again when we receive his Word because He alone is the nurturer of our soul's garden. His Word waters our souls and we grow. Then comes the tests in life that try to bend and break our faith. But if we hold onto the Word during those tests for dear life we are that much stronger after the storms. What many good-hearted people may not know is that we actually have the AUTHORITY to stop in themiddle of the storm and receive God's grace in Jesus' name. We have the authority through God's Word to move our mountains. It is not by obeying the law but rather by our actions of LIVING OUT our faith in God's Word. When we take what we read with our eyes and act it out with all of our heart, soul, and mind we have the power through the Holy Spirit to say to a mountian or mulberry tree or an infant in the NICU who is struggling to breathe on His own and the life support is being taken off, to say "In the name of Jesus I command you by the power of God's Word and with my Faith, even as small as a mustard seed to breathe!" And when the Holy Spirit breathes his Word into the tiny life he will live because the seed of his Kingdom will grow and a harvest will be produced a hundred times over like I've never seen before!
